Stumbling gladly.

Without my feet quite under me, I - finally —- chose ME. (as mentioned in a previous post)

It felt good. For about 24 hours.
I had no idea what to do next.

After some musing, I decided to do what I said I would - follow my own inner wisdom.
For me, that meant asking myself “what do I do next?” in my daily journaling. I thought I’d see what
revealed itself in this daily practice and then deal with things as they came up. So that’s what I did.

The first challenge I noticed was just becoming AWARE of what I thought might be my inner wisdom
trying to talk with me. To be honest, all I could hear was this incessant chattering in my head. From
”what am I having for breakfast, does that smell ok” to “OMG I’m gaining weight and what kind of looks
I was going to get at the office for wearing the outfit I picked out last night.” But the worst was this
ongoing loop of self-talk I had going on. It took the form of arguing with someone in my head - justifying
what and why I did the things I did — because whom ever I was arguing with thought anything I decided was
wrong. Since this ongoing inner debate and criticism was exhausting, I decided to start there. And stop
it.

As soon as I made that decision a big red stop sign popped into my mind. At first, I didn’t understand it
but the next time that critical self-talk started up - that huge red stop sign popped up again! I suddenly
realized what I needed to do: whenever that self-talk started, I just had to say stop. So, I did. And it
stopped. At least for a few seconds. The more aware I became and the more I practiced this technique,
the longer my old habit ceased and the new habit of me turning it off became second nature. Until it
completely stopped. Those were my first two lessons: 1) that I could train myself out of long-time
thinking habits AND 2) that my inner wisdom or self would help me find the solutions I needed IF I just
asked.

Once I became more aware of what I could do — by deliberately cultivating and nurturing my awareness of my own inner wisdom —
the answers I needed came more frequently and
consistently and in many different forms. In other words, the more I trusted in and responded to the
”idea bread crumbs:” left about for me, the more I received. It became a classic, mutually beneficial
relationship between me and my inner self. A way to spiritually feed myself in support of my highest
good and development.

Choosing myself is now the foundation of who I am and continue to become.